I Had Fun at the DMV

October 3, 2005

There, I said it. So, have I lost all credibility yet?

I finally – and with a mere few hours to go before hitting the new resident deadline – made my way to the Motor Vehicle Office. I scanned the crowd and moved toward the greeter’s booth to get my number.

After being drilled on the necessary documents – yes, I have my paid tax receipt, yes, I have my birth certificate, yes, to the social security card and the proof of insurance. Yes, yes, yes. (I gathered from this exchange that not everyone studied the SCDMV website to ensure that this trip would be their only trip.)

I finally received my number – 45. Initial panic set in when I looked up to find that they were at number 126. But much to my delight, that meant I was only 19th in line. My fear of being 919th quickly quelled as I was told that the board on the wall goes to 1,000 but the tickets only to 100.Whew.

So, I tucked myself into the corner – behind the greeter’s station to begin my wait. Since I forgot to bring a book – people watching would be my sport. As I settled myself right next to the spinning wheel of numbers, I knew that I could not have picked a better spot.

This was where the action was. No one could go anywhere without the go ahead of the “Greeter” and the golden number she would place in their hand. I was intrigued by the Greeter’s position, which I later learned was rotated among the DMV staff from week to week. Here is a person who has to smile all day – and we all know how hard it is to smile at DMV – anddespite how ridiculous the request, they need to try to help. My favorite that day, “the guy sold you the car, you paid for it, but you have no title? I’m sorry ma’am but you are going to need to get the title.” How she managed to muster a smile and an innocent, helpful tone was beyond myreach.

Apparently the DMV is a thriving social scene. I watched a little girl - dressed to the nines in high heeled sandals, and sparkly top - dance for the crowd. I overheard conversations about lawn maintenance, kids preparing to go away to college for the first time, new residents seekingout advice on good restaurants, shopping and the likes. It was like a block party – until one unsuspecting man turned onto our block.

It was about an hour into the show and in walked the “suit” – he gets this designation because he was the only guy in the DMV in a suit. His first victim was the Greeter who he asked for directions to the police station. She politely answered that she didn’t live in Bluffton but perhaps one of the other staff at the counter may be able to help. His second victim – a new staff member and new resident to Bluffton - was also unable to point him toward the Police Station but suggested that there were probably a number of Bluffton residents in the office and one of us could help. Then, he made us all his victims by remarking “I don’t think anyone here knowsanything.” And, he turned on his heel and headed toward the door.I felt an immediate surge of Bluffton Pride and shouted out, “lock the doors, let’s get him.” After all, you don’t come onto my block and talk to my neighbors that way. I was ready to “rumble” but then, of course, number 45 flashed on the screen and the show was over.