Why I'll Never Be Southern

According to Benno Johnson "Southerness" Is …

... Surviving the sweltering summer thanks only to short sleeves and seersucker.

… A Smidgin of sweet talk, chewin’ the fat, a dollop of gossip and some powerful recollectin’ about good times not forgotten.

… Deeply felt and deeply fried.

… Raisin’ hell on Saturday night and beatin’ the devil to your family pew come Sunday morning.

… Saying “No thankee” to all things Yankee.

…The “Love y’all” legacy of Scarlett & Rhett, Pocohontas & John, Forrest & Jenny, June & Johnny, You & Me.

… A minister, a priest and a rabbi walking into a delta juke joint and nobody noticing.

… Carrying tomato aspic to the bereaved to help them carry their burden.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I have no idea who ol' Benno is.

The above was found in a recent magazine article (Garden & Gun, The Atlantan -- I'm not sure) however, I can find no biographical information on him. Granted my research is limited to Google, but I am light on free time.

Regardless, I will believe that Benno is indeed Southern. And since his wisdom and wit is clearly over my head or beneath my radar, I will accept the fact that despite my geographic locale, I will remain a sucker for all things Yankee.

Because "Yankee" Is ...

... well, me.