My Wardrobe Malfunction

Don’t worry. I haven’t bared a breast in Bluffton. What I have done, is totally misjudge the heat of our Lowcountry summer. My wardrobe is all wrong.

It is hot!

We were blessed with a very comfortable spring, which I fear was the calm before the storm. As I write this, the thermometer nears 95 degrees. I just came back from lunch, where I sat in a screened-in porch. When I stood up I could feel the dampness on the back of my shirt (this could be considered “too much information” but bear with me), nothing like a sweat stain when you are out in public to make you feel self-conscious. I’m finding that just walking from the parking lot to the food store has become a mission to avoid overheating.

Ok, I know what you are thinking. The Yankee can’t handle the heat. That may be true, but with a little tweaking of the wardrobe, my problem (and yours) can be solved.

When packing to move to South Carolina, I was very diligent in cleaning out my closet. I parted with anything that I hadn’t worn in a year. I went through my Hope Chest, which houses my sweater collection - not all my hopes and dreams - and said a tearful goodbye to some sweaters that had been with me since high school (and still fit!).

In exchange for paring down my sweater collection, I beefed up my flip-flop and sandal repertoire. This was the first step in my reformation. I haven’t worn socks in 437 days. Ah, sweet freedom! Socks keep the heat in, so I avoid them. I’ve also nixed shoes that cover my feet completely. Its open-toe or open-heel shoes for this convert.

Now is the tricky part. What to do from the ankles up? Three words – white, linen, layers.

• Yes, you heard it here first. The owner of no less than a dozen pairs of black pants says put the black in the back of the closet.

• Linen can be your friend. Who cares if your pants are completely wrinkled by the time you get to the office. It’s better than your pants being soaking wet, right?

• If your day is anything like mine – you are inside and outside all day long. So you’re freezing in the air conditioning and sweating in the heat. Buy lots of t-shirts and a couple of light cotton cardigans. The on again – off again can be annoying but its better than pneumonia.

For the men (if you are still reading) I don’t have much advice to offer. However, my metro-sexual hubby did have some suggestions, which shockingly go against everything I know about him. But a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.

Yup, you guessed it my J Crew loving husband cut the sleeves off of his t-shirts. He’s gone country! No boots yet – its just too dang hot – but he has made the shift to flip-flops on the weekends. Joe has also taken to bringing an extra pair of shorts/pants with him to work each day, just in case it’s a day in the field.

Now, these solutions are less than revolutionary. I’m not even sure they are solutions. In fact, we’ve found that our favorite reprieve is a margarita. We planted a lime tree last year and are seeing the fruits of our labor. Get a blender and enjoy the summer. Don’t sweat it.

“Do Southerners laugh at different things than Northerners do? Yes, Northerners." - Roy Blount