In A Van, Down by the River

Bluffton Today column
March 16, 2011

On Monday, I came across a Facebook post from Ryan McCarthy, owner of Downtown Deli. It read, “Anybody see a white dodge van around town let me know. It was stolen from the back of the Deli at some point this weekend!”

I had to crack up when I read it, not because Ryan and his wife Leah lost a valuable member of their catering fleet, but because Ryan had such a great attitude about it. So, I called him to get the scoop.

According to all reports (ok, I only got one report), Ryan and Leah were both at the Deli over the weekend, and the white van was still there as of 2:00 p.m. on Sunday. On Monday morning when Ryan arrived for the breakfast shift, one of his employees asked where the hot boxes were. He replied, “In the white van.” (The underlying meaning being - Duh, where they always are.) His employee went outside, came back in, and with a sheepish grin said, “Um, I don’t see the van.” (The underlying meaning being – I know I am going to sound crazy, but the van isn’t out there, dude.)

As Ryan continued to tell me the story, he broke into laughter. “You know the kicker,” he said, “we only had one payment left.” Knowing that, he and Leah had actually planned to buy a new personal vehicle this weekend.

Still chuckling Ryan went on to warn the thief with these words of wisdom --

1. Sometimes, if the battery is getting low, the alarm goes off, just for the heck of it. This will likely bring much unwanted attention your way. (Ryan and Leah learned this two years ago at the Masters when the white van’s alarmed blasted serene Augusta National for two hours.)
2. The battery is going to go low, and may even die, because it needs to be replaced. (That should make for an entertaining moment when the thief calls AAA.)
3. There is a box of Monster Pizza (also owned by the McCarthy’s) Beer of the Month Club membership cards in the back. If you decide to “join” the Club, the suspect pool has just been substantially narrowed, and you’re now the primary suspect, Einstein!
4. For $223.28, the amount of the last payment, we may have sold you the van.

Ryan’s good attitude is a perfect example of someone taking a bad situation and not letting it get the best of him. If only everyone reacted like that when things just weren’t going our way.

Case in point. I was at one of our big-box home improvement stores last weekend, loading up on spring color, only to have my bubble burst by the worst in customer service. The store was as busy as all get out, and the Garden Center checker seemed less than thrilled that she was spending her day at work, while the rest of us crazies jumped on the “it’s spring, we better plant” bandwagon.

As I rolled up to the register, the checker stepped out with her scan gun to assess the load. She lifted her head, looked me dead in the eye, and proceeded to tell me to lift all of the plants for her, so she could scan them.

Pardon moi?

Once I recovered from the initial are-you-freakin’-kidding-me buzz, two thoughts ran through my head, in quick succession. One -- I’m sorry, do I work here now? And two -- Sure, I’ll help, but you’re going to end up in the newspaper.

Frankly, I would have helped anyway. Mainly because my obsessive-compulsive-must-have-things-in-order indicator light would have come on, thus forcing me to make sure that all plants remained as originally organized on the cart. But, the second the checker decided to not ask me, but tell me, to lift the plants, the game was over.

With a harrumph, I begrudgingly lifted all of the plants so that Ms. Checker Outer didn’t pull a muscle or get any dirt on her hands. Who knows, maybe someone stole her car that morning, but should she have taken it out on her customers?

All in all, it is easier said than done to keep your attitude in check. We could learn a lot from Ryan.

Therefore, I think it is only appropriate, that in recognition of this recent grand theft auto, Ryan name a sandwich in White Van’s honor. Ryan, serve it with a side of CHIPS, and the lemonade you made from the lemons that were served to you.